when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
