I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
