What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
