I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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