True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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