it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
