I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
