Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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