My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
