If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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