tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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