My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
