I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
