I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I need moral support for this bender
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
