You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
