I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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