last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
