i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
