I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please don't give away my fajitas
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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