At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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