Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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