I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
