Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
