careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
