if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
