you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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