she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
