You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
