His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
