There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
