I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
