my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
