You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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