Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's shark week go big or go home
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
