I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
