come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Found your dick twin last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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