Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
