she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
