I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
