so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
