Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
