My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
