There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
