highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just gargled with NyQuil
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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