I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
