You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
