We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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