I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
