you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
