Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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