tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
