I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
