You're completely useless in the revolution.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
